“You wouldn’t be vulnerable if you weren’t valuable.” Steven Furtick
Thursday was a bad day.
I woke tired and cranky and yipped at Jason when he asked if I’d sent in our RSVP for an upcoming dinner.
Had he used the word “Babe” before his question, I irrationally explained, then I wouldn’t have taken his inquiry like I dropped the ball again.
His face scrunched up kind of funny, and that’s when I realized it.
“Ah, man. My hormones are wacky again. I’m just emotional.” I dropped my head and the waterworks started.
Jason held me while I blubbered out my blames on exhaustion from running around to karate/baseball/homeschool co-op business with the kids and our recent stack of medical bills from my month-long stint in and out of the ER/Urgent Care/doctor’s offices and CT scans.
My laundry lists of stuff packed inside my brain tumbled out.
He reassured me, like always, that everything would be okay, God is in control.
So I kissed him off to work.
By Asher’s baseball practice eight hours later, I was still sulking. In my van while my other kiddos climbed on the playground in front of me, I grabbed a pen and journaled my prayers to God:
“This will not be a happy entry. Man, how many women around the world feel like me? I’m tired—foggy cranky—so cranky—and very little has made me happy—which stinks—I have so much to be thankful for…”
I went on to list the icky things surrounding our current situation.
(One day I’ll blog about this.)
But let’s just say I had a stinky suspicion that all the stuff I was blaming was simply a distraction, and I believe the enemy’s tool of choice to discourage me.
You see, I’d been praying about whether God is calling me to write a devotional for newly diagnosed patients. Last Sunday I even wrote on a prayer card at church that I think His nudges are getting more forceful.
Only, I’m running from the project—making excuse after excuse of why this is a not-so-good idea. Yet, I have journals scrawled with scriptures that helped me while I was sick. A gift like an easy-to-read devo would have meant the world to my fear-filled soul so many years ago.
When I get this way—all mopey—I know the second thing I need is a voice of reason from an uplifting message.
Isn’t it just like God that I stumbled upon a sermon from Steven Furtick about our vulnerabilities? Here’s a summation of what I heard:
- If your life is under attack, that means you must be carrying something good inside
- If you didn’t have anything good inside of you, you’d be left alone
- The thing that makes you valuable also makes you vulnerable
- The next time you feel under attack, recognize it for what it is. It is a compliment pointing toward the deposit that God has placed inside of you
- It means that you’ve got something that God is trying to work out in your life
- The fact that you struggle is not a sign that you’re worthless and useless to God, it’s a sign that you’re so worthwhile and valuable to God, that there’s an enemy that opposes you
- When you have a “good deposit” like Timothy* did, you have to be on your guard
- The sign that you want to quit is a sign that the opportunity is more valuable than you know
- If you constantly doubt that ability—your self-doubt is a sign that this is larger than you understand at the time
- Guard that good deposit
*2 Timothy 1:14, “Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.”
Did anyone else’s hear a whisper while reading his wisdom? Of course what Pastor Furtick is saying is true. When we are about to step out in faith and possibly do something great for the kingdom—the arrows start flying.
Self-doubt is my worst enemy.
Praise God we serve a Lord who specializes in a whispering Spirit who sends encouragement to us when we need it the most; through my husband, prayer, a message, His Word, uplifting songs.
Am I alone in this? Has God put something on your heart to pursue, but you’re struggling with self-doubt? What “good deposit” has God told you to guard?
Maybe you’re feeling a little down yourself. If so, here’s my third tactic: Upbeat music. Click the links below and crank up the volume.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPy0ctqMwE0 Jamie Grace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-PTZoOrfSE Kerrie Roberts
“You know it’s not living when you’re always thinking of the worst that can happen.”