Author, Speaker, Professional Patient

Fellow Wordsmiths: Help (said in my most desperate voice)

Posted by on Nov 13, 2012 in Most Popular Posts, Publishing/Cut Chapters, Read Her Blog | 74 comments

Help logo“She’ll Never Make it Through the Night”: A football-sized-tumor and the decision keep her child initiated a battle of nine life-threatening illnesses

The quoted words are the title of my book. The tagline following, well…that’s what I’ve been playing with.

Help, please.

Since taglines play an important part in drawing your reader in, I’d really love candid feedback, suggestions, or a complete rewrite. Any of these’ll work. I’ll even check my feelings at the door so you can share from the gut.

Here are some options:

“She’ll Never Make it Through the Night”:

1) A football-sized-tumor and the decision to keep her child initiated a battle of nine life-threatening illnesses

2) The nine life-threatening illnesses of Dabney

3) An erratic journey of health pitfalls followed by healing, hope, and a renewed view of life

4) An unforgettable story about faith, hope, and the power of prayer

5) A single prayer followed by supernatural peace could transform her. Or kill her. Only God knew.

6) One woman’s decade-long journey fighting nine life-threatening illnesses

7) (Your incredible suggestion that may end up on the cover of the book and a big ol’ thanks in the acknowledgement section)

To help a sistah out, scroll to the top right and comment away.

74 Comments

Join the conversation and post a comment.

  1. Eric Inman

    #4 has a classic feel to it. Descriptive yet intriguing…

    Eric J Inman Aquatic Weed Control, Inc. 6536 Pinecastle Blvd Suite A Orlando, Florida 32809 Phone 407-859-2020 Fax 407-859-3275

  2. Rosslyn Elliott

    Dabney, I don’t know the exact story, so ignore this if it doesn’t fit, but here’s what it sounds like from these descriptions:
    “She’ll Never Make it Through the Night”: Only the courage to die could bring one young mom the miracle of life.

  3. Cheri' Krekel

    I think 1 AND 4, together. If not, then 4.

  4. Mary Wickwire

    My favorite of yours is the first, or 5. I’m pretty sure that 4 has been used on every inspirational book ever written before. Let me work on number 1, I think it could be edited down to be more concise.

  5. Angelina Bell

    4 sounds like it would make for a beautiful testimony, and 5 leaves people waiting in suspense, kind of like a mystery novel; I like either one 🙂

  6. Bill Jensen

    Rosslyn Elliot nailed it.

  7. John Jamason

    4 or The power of prayer, perseverance, and pluckiness.

    The story of a woman of faith and her epic struggle for life.

    How the power of prayer and faith in God can overcome any obstacle.

    Maybe some more tomorrow.

  8. Kim Klaasse

    Could a single prayer be enough to save her?

  9. Sandy Gamble

    “She’ll Never Make it Through the Night”: Could Dabney’s decision to keep her unborn child through her diagnosis of life threatening illnesses be the decision that could lead her through the most important physical and spiritual battle of her life?

  10. Jana

    4 and johns 2nd one – may be common but I like them

  11. Anonymous

    Dabney I hope you keep something about keeping the pregnancy. To me that is the most important part of the message. Its about obedience and the connection with faith.

  12. Darlene

    i like #4. that is the one that stood out to me the most.

  13. Anonymous

    Dabney,
    I’m not very good at this, but I love the footprints poem and maybe you can incorporate a title with that theme in mind. I believe his footprints were all over you and the situation.
    Blessings my friend

  14. Cheryl

    I see several people liking number 4. But I find it sounds like it could fit so many other stories that I would likely just pass it by in a bookstore. I like the idea of combining number 1 (which is specific enough to pull people in) with number 4 (general enough to give a good overview).

    • dabneyland

      Great idea. Now work your Cheryl magic and spin it into something clever. 🙂 honestly, really like this idea. I’ll sleep on it. Big hug.

      Sent from my iPhone

  15. Sue Harrison

    I think #1 has the most potential, but the word “football” took me off in the wrong direction from the get go. (Maybe because my husband is watching a football game right now.) But I think in #1 you have 2 things that really catch and hold women readers – tumor and child. How about something that just rearranges the words a bit like, “Despite a life-threatening tumor, Dabney decides to keep her unborn child…” I might leave it right there. Then we have to read the book to find out what happens!

  16. eric drew

    I like the one Rosslyn posted

  17. Kelly Buri

    I like what Rosslyn posted!! MUST keep something about the unborn child (maybe change one young mom to one pregnant mom– I like it how it is though too)… NOT #4!! It feels like every christian book has a tag line similar…

  18. Theanna Bailes

    Hey Dabney, I like Rosslyn post as well. I also thought of some for you top play with.

    1-She followed her own path, sacrificing herself for her unborn child.

    2-Faith gave a mother the courage to die.
    God gave her the miracle of life.

    3-One mothers choice to sacrifice everything in hopes of experiencing the miracle of life.

  19. coreypro

    “Finding life in the face of death”

  20. Theanna Bailes

    Faith gave a mother to be the courage to die. God gave her the miracle of life. Just a thought.

  21. Anonymous

    Dabney – I was drawn in by #1. And for me, the football description was very powerful and helpful to visualize what you were battling. Can’t wait to read it!

  22. Theanna Bailes

    Not willing to sacrifice her unborn child, faith gave this mother the courage to die. In return, God gave her the miracle of life.

    • dabneyland

      Hmmm, you just have me an idea. What about: Faith gave her the courage to die. The Father allowed the miracle to live.

      Need to work on second line.

      Let me play with this some more. Thanks, Theanna!

      Sent from my iPhone

  23. Lynnette Lowndes Riffel

    I believe your on the right track with #1. However I would reword it a smidge…Despite the throes of pregnancy she chose her battle fiercely, for her tumor and life threatening illnesses were not going to win. xoxo Good Luck! Cause we know that whatever you choose is going to be epic!

  24. caraluecht

    A single prayer gives Dabney enough hope to carry a baby and a tumor, and enough courage to face a decade of renewal.

  25. Janet McHenry, Looking Up & Up2Me

    #4 for sure. The others are too wordy and more easily forgettable.

  26. jeanne williams

    # 1 draws me in. Good luck!

  27. Thom Scott

    #4 – hands down. It hits on universal themes everyone can identify with and want to read about. It frames the title in the light of the positive outcome.

  28. Barbara Olson

    Wonderful suggestions given Dabney and I know without doubt that God will put together exactly what will be His plan to grab the hearts of people to want to read your story. I get cold chills every time just thinking back on ALL our Great and Mighty God has done for you. I love #4, but I do see the need of something a bit more to really grab readers.

  29. bryonm

    Dabney:

    You know I love you, but I wasn’t crazy about my options. Unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with options to offer to I emailed an editor friend of mine and she came up with the following:

    “She’ll Never Make it Through the Night”
    The true story of a football-sized tumor, an unborn child, and nine life-threatening illnesses.

    I also like the one someone suggested:
    Only the courage to die could bring one young mom the miracle of life.

  30. Theanna Bailes

    Love gave her the courage to die
    Faith gave her the miracle of life.

  31. Wannie Davis

    Dabney, I am not a reader but I really can’t wait for this book to come out. The #1 and #4 grabbed and sparked my interest so I thought what about putting the two together? A football-sized-tumor and the decision to keep her child, an unforgettable story about faith, hope, and the power of prayer.

  32. Anonymous

    Rosslyn or #4

  33. Denise Hisey

    #4 would interest me enough to pick up the book. 😉
    I also like Wannie Davis’ idea of combining #1 & #4.

  34. karenmclaughlin

    I like the first one. It draws me in to know more. And what mother would not want to make the save decision to save her child. Two areas that draw me in.

  35. Bethany Jett

    Hi Dabney! Saw your critique on Chip MacGregor’s blog and wanted to check out your page. I liked #4, but #6 gave a little more detail. If you want someone to know exactly what they’re getting, #6. If you want to be a bit vague, #4.

    I’m intrigued and plan to browse your site.

    Blessings,
    Bethany

  36. janiese

    I like 3…..it lets the readers story to tell.

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