Today is a day I never want to forget. My favorite oncologist, Dr. McGarry, started chemo this morning. This is difficult for many reasons. First, we were both diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease at a young age (he was 17, I was 25). Second, his re-occurrence of a different cancer shows no one is exempt from this disease. He ate healthy, ran, and seemed in the best shape of his life.
That doesn’t seem fair. He’s a good person, loves God.
Then I found out a friend miscarried—someone who struggled to get pregnant and prayed for God to bless her with a baby.
It’s painful hearing these things. We live in a cursed world, I know that. But it doesn’t replace the sadness when experiencing tragedy.
I remember reading a devotional that explained when Adam and Eve sinned they handed over the title-deed to this world to Satan. Ever since that day, disease, natural disasters, and pain have destroyed many lives.
Why is it that the first person to get the blame is God? I hear, “If God was a loving God, why would he allow famine, rape, tsunami…” We forget who roams around seeking to kill and destroy (1 Peter 5:8). Satan loves that we blame God, that we are fearful of speaking or typing his name.
I had my annual oncology check-up today. Walking into that building brought back memories I so want to forget. Because it had been over a year since my last visit, I had to re-register as a new patient, sit in the new patient waiting area and relive what Dr. McGarry must be experiencing.
Life is not fair.
A quote I turn to when I need inspiration to keep plotting along during my fearful moments or my chaotic schedule homeschooling, states: “If you knew you only had six months to live, what would you do with your time?”
Would I care that Asher dropped another eight ouce glass of pineapple juice on my newly mopped floor? Or that Sabal colored her legs, face and torso green, then sucked the marker dry? Or that Ansley, my China doll, asked again if I thought her birth mom would find Jesus so she could meet her in heaven?
Here’s to today. Here’s to contentment. Here’s to living life not for my wants, my desires, but for His. Because one day I won’t be here. I’ll be in heaven, with a new, perfectly healthy body. Lord willing, my family and friends around me. I won’t worry about how much money is enough, or if I’ve schooled my children to the best of my ability, or if I’ve blown it as a mom, wife, friend.
Today, I want to remember Dr. McGarry. I want to remember we only get one life on earth. I want to remember to take the kids to the park. Reread them their favorite book. Laugh when the juice spatters against my leg. One day they grow up. One day they will move out. One day–it will be my last.
Stop worrying, Dabney. Enjoy those precious moments, Dabney. Love them like crazy, Dabney.
No, life is not fair. But heaven is. Because in heaven Jesus will wipe away all our tears, and redeem the title-deed to earth, taking back control of what was once God’s.
4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
6 Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. 7 He went and took the scroll (title-deed) from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. 8 And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people. 9 And they sang a new song, saying:
“You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased for God
persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.
10 You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth.” Revelation 5:6-10 (italics mine)